It's a weird sensation when someone close is dying on you slowly.
There are days where I have the feeling I should cherish life to it's fullest, on days like this I enjoy as much as possible, the food I eat, the weather outside, the people around me, my health.
Other days I find what life beholds is complete and utter bullocks and a bloody waste of energy, life in general pisses me off immensely.
This is one of those days.
It was a beautiful day and I went to see my sis, her condition is so much worse than last week, it scares her terribly and she is so done with it.
How heartbreaking it is to hear her say that she still wants so much out of life, the same life that slowly flows out of her. 
She is four years older than I am but today she looked at me and said "soon you'll be older than me". 
In the three years that she's sick that thought had never occurred to me.
It so sad.
I don't want to be older. I want her to stay, I want her to just be there, like she always was. With her husband and her two kids, a two hours drive away. 
Just there.
But she'll be gone now soon and that's just so devastating.